Today was one of those days today where I had several
appointments and errands to run.
My schedule was tight. As I
pulled onto the road from my first appointment I saw a power chair meandering
along the road, zig-zagging toward me.
I slowed down, carefully driving past and noticed that the man had no
legs, no coat, and no shirt sleeves.
It was 20 degrees outside.
I could give him my coat, but he was far too big. I could not invite him into my car-legs
or no, he was large and still had arms…
I remembered the emergency blanket I had in my trunk; I
could offer him that. I turned the
car around and slowed as I approached and asked if he would like a blanket. His
face was covered in abrasions. His speech apraxia was mild but still made it laborious
to understand that he wanted to go to 7/11. There was not a 7/11 in site, which disturbed me. It could take 10-15 minutes in the cold
and cars were flying past him as if he didn’t exist.
He suddenly turned away and began driving toward the main
road, a six-lane road leading to the interstate. I called 911 and began to follow him, it was a long process. The dispatcher promised to send
somebody right away. As we
approached the red light, he began to barrel ahead in front of the first car of
the cross street traffic. I
followed and began to provide short rapid tapping on my horn, trying to warn
the six lanes of semi-trucks, cars, and SUV drivers of the situation, terrified
that he would be hit anyway, or that I would cause an accident.
We made it across and I followed him to the La Quinta Hotel,
where I called 911 to let them know we had moved our location. He let himself in the door,
disappearing behind the sunny corporate logo as it closed behind him. The police told me they had dealt with
him yesterday. That he was at 7/11
yesterday. I was baffled by the
man’s will power beyond reason, beyond what was in his best interest. Then I moved through my day-much to
do.
Now that my running is behind me and I have a moment to catch
up, I am reduced to tears. How
frightening it must have been for that man to have me following behind him
sounding my horn repeatedly as he slowly crossed the 6 lane avenue. But I’m not
just crying for that man, I am crying for the cold and barren condition of my
own son who is isolated from his family because in trying to protect him from
people who were exploiting him, I took his rights away. Now he is in a guardianship and refuses
to speak to me or to his siblings.
How lonely he is. How that
could have been him, if I had not protected him. How it is still him metaphorically.
I guess I just move through every day dealing only with what
is in front of me and not looking back, because back there is my
heart-break. I have been living
this way for so long, I didn’t even realize how I have my blinders on. It is painful to see reality. The painful reality that I have turned
my thoughts away from my own beloved son.
Tomorrow I will see him in court.
It is just a status.
Nothing much will happen.
But he will not look at me, or worse, he will eye me with a look of
scorn. This is my private hell,
which I never talk about because it just doesn’t add anything of value to any
conversation. But today, I am
crying and I am sharing it with you.
Because I hope that if you have any opportunity to sound a horn of
protection for somebody who needs to get safely across a street you will do
it. It could be my son. It could be your son.
And I pray that we can all open our hearts in this great
country and become aware that we are all just kicking around here, none of us
with a greater right to comfort and peace than the rest. I pray that man from
the road today finds himself in a safer situation and that he doesn’t feel
demeaned by my efforts today. I
pray that we will all be aware that those who are less fortunate because they
are disabled or mentally ill, or both, deserve protection and help. And I pray that we all will be grateful
enough for what we have that we are able share a little bit with those who are
in need of a bed, a meal, a warm coat. I pray for that man, my son, and my own intentions, may they always be aligned with God's will.
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